Thoughts.

Late nights like these are so beautiful. Only you, and yourself.

This is why I love the night. So quiet, so peaceful. Slowly, you just start thinking about everything that has happened in your life, and also what you wish would happen. People will never understand you fully. Because all they see are the emotions you wish to portray for them to believe how you're feeling, and they don't really care much anyway.

Couldn't sleep last night, you're starting to appear more frequently in my thoughts. Could this be it?

I never liked to feel anything towards anybody. Call me an idiot or just stupid. But i never liked feelings, it makes you feel so vulnerable. Because when you like someone, everything that person does is gonna affect you in a way. Plus, you get jealous over stuffs that person does with someone else. you become afraid of saying anything wrong, so you end up not even speaking, for fear of spoiling it all.

They tell me, "love is a wonderful thing between 2 person". Yes it is wonderful, but what about the pain, the hurt, the shear in your heart that it creates when things don't go as planned?

Maybe I do like you now, but I can't promise it'll be as intense as time goes by, will you still be able to hold on through with me? I'm not perfect, nobody is, but what if there is someone closer to perfection for you? Can you say your heart wouldn't waver that slight bit?

Call me inexperienced, call me heartless. But that's all because of what I've been through. The past shaped me into what i am now. I've grown to not trust my feelings. Hence why I chose to be a loner, because at the end of the day, only i can clean up my own shit.

Yet now, you're making me thinking about changing my mind. Or am I taking your actions wrongly? I think I like you, but will it be worth changing all the value that I believe in? Gimme a sign, and i'll take 10 thousand steps towards you. Will you be the one to pull me out of this mess i'm in? Because at the end of the day, i'm just afraid of letting my emotions crash all the way down again.

Will You Be.... My Reason?

Ayaka - Why

Lyrics: "Your inner eye has clouded over so much that it's impossible for you to see. Does any emotion still reside within the depths of your heart? Having the entire world at your fingertips, Is that what you consider happiness? Why? Why do look up into the lonely heavens? Why? Can't you laugh a little?* I understand this character of yours This disposition that is incapable of putting anything into words. What was it that came to be in your sequestered past? These eyes of yours, they refuse to meet the world. All alone with only the lonely night to cradle you, Is this the warmth that you have come to know? Why? Why are you so concerned with the way you look? Why? Can you not open up your heart a little? You've been taxed by this heavy burden for so long, It's time that you learn to accept yourself. Have more faith in yourself... It is those who are free that are stumbling... It is those who are free that are insecure... Why? Why do you look up at the lonely sky? Why? Can you not laugh, even slightly? I can appreciate This reticent character of yours. You only have to try to believe... Why... ?"

Dreams and Fears

Dreams is such a wonderful thing isn't it? u can just use ur imagination to think what u can become if it happens. But then again, what if it just never happens, because u fear what might happen along the way?

1)i used to dream about being an actor, then i was scared i couldn't cut it cuz i don look good enuf, what if i get paid too little, i suck at memorizing scripts and such...

2)then i though of being an animal trainer, once again i had to let it go because i was afraid of the pay and of course due to expectations from my family.

3)last year, i thought of becoming a biologist. then i gave it up simply because there just isn't much job opportunities in M'sia.

Why is it that we live in a world that revolves so much around Money and Reputation? See what i ended up with now just because i had to balance around job opportunities and how would ppl look at me?





Engineering- the most unexpected sector that i would venture into. i was never a person who liked maths nor physics, i loved the wildlife, i loved going into Mother Nature and just relax, enjoy how wonderful the world is. i wanted a job which would let me do that. but now, i'm stuck with being in an industry which i'm forever stuck inside an industrial compound/area.


How have i deviated so far away from my original dreams? i guess its obvious enough because i wasn't courageous enuf to go into something i like just because i wanna live up to ppl's expectations, not mine.

It actually feels kinda sick sometime, whereby i hafta hide all my emotions from the world, yes i noe i'm not the only one doing that, but this only means that i understand some of u ppl out there who are afraid to show ppl how u feel.

I thank God for creating such an opportunity this year to meet such a wonderful person, she's the only thing that's keeping me alive, sort of like the life support machine for me. if not for her, i don think i might even wanna continue going on this tough journey.
Life is so peaceful when i'm with her, my worries are like gone whenever i get to spend time together. i dunno what might happen in the future between us, but now is all that matters for me.



The future for me now is uncertain, but i dare say i would love to continue walking on this rocky path with God alongside me, i pray that i might be able to work this out and hopefully, accomplish some good results for my parents to be proud of.

EXAMS,SCHOOL LIFE,MUSIC,THOUGHTS

been bloody long since i've updated~
so here it goes ;) hope i still have the touch ahah~

[E]XAMS~

got back most of my papers,well i have to say i'm surprised for some subjects,
for the first time in my life i got 91 for maths so yea hahahah!!
but then it all keeps falling down baby...
some were just ridiculous man but overall i felt at least i've earned it with my own hardwork

SPM is coming...so what am i doing?apparently i'm still wasting most of my time browing the web and stuffs..trying to quit most of the stuffs by this week(wish me luck peeps)
seriously hope i can get at least 7As because i don wanna let my family and relatives down,TONS OF PRESSURE HOORAH!


SCHOOL LIFE~

hmm...been doing much at school lately,
tryin to do as much things as possible(breaking or not breaking rules)
so that i'm not gonna regret after i've graduated...
some ppl i can't bear to leave,how i wish i could just pull them with me :X
teachers,frens...what have i done to make them rmb me?or shud i make them forget me?
got no idea man~but hope that most of us will still be in contact after this...

someone quotes "frens are forever while puppy lovers are only momentarily"
will that be true?lets hope all's well ends well~

i quote "separated we may be,hearts and soul we'll be connected" hehe~
hope it sounds logical though!

heard from so many ppl that they wanna get the hell out of the school,but trust me,
once u're gonna graduate,u'll start reminiscing bout how u entered the school and how u met all ur best frens :(

MUSIC~

music is definitely one of the factors that just keeps me going on,
music brings [E]veryone from [E]verywhere together and just let their feelings out...
been listening to Epik High alot lately,i may not understand korean but some of their songs i do reli feel what they might be trying to express,and that's y i've been so supportive of their music~

DJ Tukutz's gonna be servicing in the army for about 2 years,not gonna be a new album from them for another 2 years i guess? :(

English songs have been becoming much more meaningless to me,the songs they have are just too commercialized,too boring


THOUGHTS~
[E]verything we have(parents,relatives,frens,pets,materialistic items) we shall be grateful,for it is given by the Almighty...

[E]motions,are something that can be expressed through songs,music,words...
i always do listen to songs that are in tune with my mood at the time..

[E]xpressions,i've been trying to conjure up images of happiness on my face,but is it reli what i'm feeling?i don't noe,i don't care,i just wanna spend the last of my school life with my frens and let there be a happy memory,nothing more~

[E]mpty...sometimes we want alot of things,but what do we want it for?to show off?to fulfill our desire?that's just fucked up man...
greed is like a devil,the more u want something,the more empty u get even if u obtain what u want...


THE [E]ND~

for everyone out there,just be who u want to be ;)

Futsal + Fun in Tmn U!

so,saturday...
had futsal with the usual gang at city plaza again~





was fun but then i kept eating ice cream only :D
after finishing,yongen thye me n bin ken went to sit taxi and meet up with sek they all at leisure mall~thn i saw an indian dude selling PUTU MAYAM!so of course i bought it then ate it :D

after eating MEE HUN KUEY,
we went ks to play for awhile,but all i actually did was just play facebook haha
near evening we went to mcdonald's,and i ate ice cream again ==
by 8pm we sat sek's car and went to tmn u to eat steamboat!
there we met karsiang n awyong who joined us~




the food was good and they had special offer so it was kinda cheap~(hurray)!
after makan-ing we went to U MALL to watch G.I.JOE~
IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!not to mention the freakin hot girls :D
it's definitely a must watch to u all =)

about 12.45 something midnight,we went to have mamak~(yea we ate again)
karsiang's first time eating maggie mee goreng hahaha
it was tata time after we finished eating,few of us went with sek to his house while binken+yongen stayed at karsiang's hse

by sleep time,it was basically joking time for me and junyi kekekekek
we talked about music,girls,interests and funny things
we also bullied pei er's DA TOU :D



next morning~
i woke up finding that my blankie was stolen by sek and zhen hui T.T
bloody cold luckily i stole some of junyi's hahahahahaha~
11am++ we all bathed and changed~
then,sek's mum treated us to bak kut teh~
after that we all went to BOON HWA primary school
there was this event to help the school raise fun,
it was my first time touching real weapons! hahaha
took quite a number of photos



















about 3pm we headed to some shop near sek's house to MAKAN again!
hahaha been eating so much since we've been there ==
then went gaming again,where we won against sek's team wahhahaha...

6pm,it was bye bye for us and me,zh,es,junyi sat taxi to cs~
the trip was so long,the uncle kept talking bout certain sensitive issues i can't say XD

that was all!
now,for the other random pics

birthday!

ok so it was my bday,
woke up early in the morning,went to school for eca...
some kid behind me was damn noisy make me can't slp ~.~

cookery was ook although i smelled like butter whn i finished ==
reached home bout 12.30,
after bathing then went to have western cuisine with mum~yum :D

then i headed to city plaza with binken,elisha,yongen and vic
wanted to buy the putu mayam but then no small change so damn it hah
futsal was funny because wee thye injured his leg then lied on the floor so cute hahahahaha!
first time in my history of playing futsal i scored 2 goals! wahaha~
another first time in my life was bathing with a hose in the toilet =X

k so about 6 we went back to molek to eat hoho steamboat~
wasn't reli full however wanted to bring them mamak but then no time edi cuz sek wanted to go back earlier...
plus they secretly went to buy cake for me =)
then we went to yongen's house to cut the cake!
have to say it's actually been a superb long time since i've cut a cake heheh

me and kenneth :)

the cake,with a small part of banling's hand


fortunately,i didn't get thrown into the pool so yea thank you bros for not throwing me haha
so after eating cake we sang karaoke in the room~
yongen's mum even bought us kfc(thanks auntie)!

then after that,we went outside,tried out the manual kancil
kheng huat was the instructor of the day!amazingly the engine only died once hehehe
shortly after me,eesiong n kheng huat each drove our car to go for few rounds around the area,
yongseng in his motorcycle almost knocked into me! =(

about 12,ken's car finally came and i drove jm,bear n handsome junyi back to my home to sit taxi~
and so that was the night!

just wanna specially thank these people once again for celebrating my bday with me! love u all !
P.S tell me if i left out anyone =X

BROTHERS:sek,binken,karsiang,thye,eesiong,yongseng,elisha,vic,shyh haur,junyi,jianming,yongen,yongyeow,aiksing n not forgetting kenneth who sacrificed his undang test for me!

GIRLS:jomin,banling,florence,peier,zhen wei

random shots

3 days of mayhem =)

27/6/09(saturday)
went to school in the morning as usual,
learnt to bake cake xD
was pretty lucky cuz didn't ponteng the class and get caught as a result...
few of them did however.
but then this wasn't reli important so yea,skip~

night,slightly cleaned my room as kenneth was coming to stay for the nite
he came around 8.30,went to play the computer straight away rofl
then after i bathed we called bin ken to mamak stall for late dinner,
felt bored so i drove them around molek for awhile...
went home to watch tv and took turns playing dota with kenneth haha
slept quite late around 3 o.0

28/6/09(sunday)
woke up in the morning at 9++
the reason i woke up was i kena "sexually assaulted" by kenneth =S
as usual,went directly to the computer wahahaha
kinda confused that day,deciding whether to go tasek or cs to watch transformers,
in the end we went to cs because didn't wanna waste money on lousy sound systems at tasek ==


went cs 'round afternoon,bought tickets and went cs for tea-time
kar siang decided to join us too!he so brother sia...
THE MOVIE WAS EPIC!!
great movie with superb sound and graphic effects~
but thn i went toilet like 2 times zz
karsiang drove us home so i could pack up n stay at his hse,
thn we headed to Tmn U for supper,
karsiang paid for most of the thing =)
shall pay for him when he comes nxt time aha...
stayed at his hse for that night~

29/6/09(monday,hari hol)


(at karsiang's hse,check out my phone's effect on the mirror )

woke up at 7,bathed n sat karsiang's car to fetch peiqie n kenneth...
was late because delayed everything wahhahahahha
reached larkin around 9,wasn't allowed to go in the stadium by some fuckin "caretaker" haix
so we went to yum cha instead....


(kenneth's saki hair!!)

NOON,paintball arena
15 of us gathered then play lo,
wee thye quite bro to specially come!!(happy ma thye i praise u)
kinda fun la but isn't reli great to get hurt =.=
used up my bullet damn fast cuz i went trigger happy xD
overall it was a gd experience
but thn some fucked up thing happened,
some "PEOPLE" somehow forgotten to tell me they were going to cs,
yea i noe i'm forgettable but then come on la have the courtesy to inform me la,
bloody pissed of that time..
oh well i went with ken and shyh haur to find sek n others...
went karaoke for awhile thn had dinner at old town,the fried chicken smaller n smaller wtf,
after tht i went home via taxi...
the driver looked pretty kns at first,talk like so fed up wit somethg
at last he actually damn kind he asked me for less =)
mayb cuz i looked so tired =P
that's my 3 day of madness+fun xD